


Not Good With Words

by dantemndoza



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Minor Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 21:04:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20365054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dantemndoza/pseuds/dantemndoza
Summary: "Mark admired how straightforward Donghyuck was. He always liked that about him. When something was troubling his mind he always spoke it.But no matter how hard Mark tried he couldn’t say the words. He couldn’t say how he started seeing his best friend differently, how in those moments of vulnerability he wanted Donghyuck by his side the most. He couldn’t say how it was driving him insane, and the thought of kissing him was always on his mind now."In other words, three times Donghyuck kissed Mark and the one time Mark kissed Donghyuck.





	Not Good With Words

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first work I put on AO3. I wanna get it out before the college year starts for me next week.

The first time Donghyuck kissed Mark it was an accident. Mark had come out of his room to get food from the fridge to eat when Donghyuck came barreling at him. “Hyung!” he screamed before crashing into Mark. Donghyuck held firm around Mark’s neck, trying to keep the hug, while Mark tried to push him off.

“Haechanie,” he said, shoving Donghyuck’s face back. “Get off! What are you-”

Donghyuck made kissy faces at him. He had grown significantly stronger over the past year, and it was getting harder for Mark to hold him back. Mark’s strength eventually gave out, a hand slipping off Donghyuck’s shoulder, and Donghyuck’s face fell into his.

It could barely constitute itself as a kiss. It was a press of the lips that had them both frozen in their places before Mark took a step back. He stared at the boy in front of him whose eyes looked just as big as Mark imagined his to be. Mark pressed a finger to his lips, still feeling the phantom on the kiss, looking away from Donghyuck. He had too many thoughts running through his head and it was too hard trying to decipher them all.

Mark looked back up to see Donghyuck staring at his lips. The thumb he had pressed to it froze and his mind went blank. He unconsciously licked his lips. Mark didn’t have enough time to think before Donghyuck took a step forward and kissed him. 

It wasn’t a movie kiss with angels singing in the background. It was a hard press of lips, and Mark faintly remembered Donghyuck telling him he had never kissed anyone before. And yet, Mark didn’t pull back. Something held him there even though his whole body was telling him to stop. 

“Hey, Mark-”

Mark didn’t remember yanking himself back. Johnny was standing in the doorway of the kitchen with his head looking down at his phone. “What’s the name of that game you were playing earlier?” he asked. “It looked cool so I wanted to download-” He finally looked up to see Mark and Donghyuck standing a great distance from each other. He looked between the two for what felt like an eternity to Mark before finally speaking again. “What’s wrong with you two?”

Donghyuck recovered before Mark could and smiled at Johnny. “Nothing, hyung,” he replied. “Just trying to bother Mark hyung.”

Johnny nodded slowly. “You know what...” he started, “Mark you can tell me later. I’m going to bed.”

Mark was still frozen in his spot. Donghyuck turned back to look at him with a smile still on his face. “It’s getting late, hyung,” he said. “Don’t stay up for much longer.” With that he turned away and walked to his room, leaving Mark by himself.

-

The second time Donghyuck kissed Mark was on Mark’s birthday. The clock on the bedside table in Mark’s room struck twelve and his phone chimed with happy birthday messages from his members - mostly from the dreamies talking about how he was one year closer to death. There was a knock on his door and in came the 127 members. Taeyong came in first holding a chocolate cake with a single candle as the rest spilled in his room singing Happy Birthday. 

“Make a wish, Mark,” Taeyong said with a smile. 

Mark clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. He wished for NCT’s success, for his members’ health, and that he could keep living out his dream. He blew out the candles and all clapped. 

“Now that you’ve blown out the candles I’m going to bed,” Doyoung mumbled running a hand through his hair. “I’m exhausted.”

Taeyong nodded. “We had a long day,” he said. “It’s best if we eat the cake tomorrow.” 

“Cake for breakfast?” Jungwoo asked with a smile. 

Taeyong laughed. “No. Real food for breakfast. We can eat the cake later.” He looked back at the rest of the members. “Okay, let’s leave Mark alone. We should all get some sleep.”

As they started to file out of the room, Mark stretched and sat on the edge of his bed. He heard his door shut and he looked back up to see Donghyuck standing in the middle of the room. 

“I thought you were all going to bed,” Mark said softly. Frankly his brain felt fuzzy and he could definitely use the sleep now too. 

“I wanna give you your birthday present first,” Donghyuck replied. Even though it was dark in the room Mark could tell he was smiling. 

“Okay, what is it?” 

Donghyuck tsked. “Close your eyes first,” he answered. 

Mark rolled his eyes before closing them. “They’re closed.”

Then he felt a hand on his cheek and soft lips on his. 

It was different than the first time. What felt more like an impulse before felt like a calculated move this time. But before Mark could get a handle on it Donghyuck had already pulled back. 

Mark opened his eyes to Donghyuck smiling. “Happy birthday, hyung,” he said before leaving for bed. 

Mark had trouble sleeping that night. 

-

The third time Donghyuck kissed Mark was a Dream movie night. Jaemin had mentioned how movie nights were no longer fun without Mark making unnecessary comments while watching. Renjun had said it was better that Mark was gone. Nonetheless, he was still dragged along. 

Mark took a seat on the end of the couch as Jeno sat on the other end. Chenle came in with Jisung from the kitchen with two bowls of popcorn and placed it on the coffee table in front of the couch before grabbing beanbags and resting against the couch. Donghyuck took a bowl of popcorn from the table before sitting at Mark’s feet. Renjun grabbed the remote before practically sitting on Mark. 

“Injunnie, what-“ Mark stuttered out. 

“Jaemin is gonna wanna sit next to no-jam over there,” he said waving Mark off. “Just wait, hyung. You haven’t been to the dorms in awhile.”

Half way through the movie Mark finally understood. Jaemin was always an affectionate person, but the way he was with Jeno now was not how he remembered. He leaned into Renjun’s ear and whispered, “How long has that been going on?”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Two months,” he replied. “It’s like they’re attached at the hip. Like hyung and Haechanie.” 

Mark blinked. “Hold on-“

Renjun got up from his seat. “I can’t deal with them anymore. Haechan, switch spots with me!”

Without a second pause Donghyuck got up from his spot on the floor and sat beside Mark taking the popcorn bowl with him. Mark tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach and stared at the tv. But he couldn’t shake this feeling - whatever it was - that everything felt like it was closing in around him. With Jaemin and Jeno and their not so secret glances and sitting too close, he wondered why he couldn’t have that. Not these stolen moments between time that left him breathless.

Donghyuck turned towards Mark. “What’s wrong hyung?” He whispered. 

“It’s nothing, really,” Mark replied with a sigh. 

“Hyung.” Donghyuck held Mark’s chin to turn him towards him. 

Mark sucked in a breath. It was quiet - too quiet - in the room and he swore that everyone could hear how loud his heart was beating. But when he turned to look at the rest of the members they were focused on the movie. He turned back to Donghyuck slowly. He wanted to stop something before it started, but he felt like his voice might break if he tried to speak. Then Donghyuck’s lips were on his. 

In the back of his mind Mark was still too conscious of the others in the room to let go, but everything in his body screamed for the kiss. He couldn’t stand how Donghyuck was making him feel. The way his thoughts disappeared when Donghyuck kissed him, the way his stomach felt when Donghyuck walked into a room. It was too much. 

Renjun elbowed Mark in the leg and Mark pulled back. “Haechan-ah,” Renjun’s voice felt too loud in the quiet. “Pass me some popcorn, will you?” 

Donghyuck passed down the bowl to Renjun. “We’re watching a movie,” he said. “Don’t be so loud.” 

“I’m not even the loud one!” He exclaimed. “Chenle’s the loud one!”

“Hey!” Chenle pushed Renjun softly. “I’ve been quiet this whole movie!”

Mark got up from the couch. “Sorry,” he said as he pushed passed Renjun. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” He left before any of them could ask what was wrong. 

-

Mark spent the next two weeks trying to avoid Donghyuck. It was made easier with Dream’s new comeback taking up most of Donghyuck’s time. Mark wouldn’t leave his room until Donghyuck had left the dorms and immediately locked himself in his room the minute he came back. He could tell his hyungs felt something off, but no one had the courage to come up to him and ask about it. 

When it was getting closer to three weeks since Mark had seen Donghyuck, there was a knock on his bedroom door. 

Before Mark could even ask who it was, Donghyuck slid past the door and softly closed it behind him. 

Mark stared, because that was the only thing he felt like he could do. Words would form in his head then fizzle out on his tongue. 

Donghyuck always had more courage in this kind of stuff than Mark. “Hyung,” he said as he took a step closer to Mark’s bed. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long. You said you would come see the stages, but...” He shook his head. “If you’re mad at me, please just say it. I can’t stand this silence.” 

Mark admired how straightforward Donghyuck was. He always liked that about him. When something was troubling his mind he always spoke it. 

But no matter how hard Mark tried he couldn’t say the words. He couldn’t say how he started seeing his best friend differently, how in those moments of vulnerability he wanted Donghyuck by his side the most. He couldn’t say how it was driving him insane, and the thought of kissing him was always on his mind now. 

Donghyuck sighed. “I know you’re not always good with words, so I’ll talk,” he said. He took a step closer. “That time I kissed you - the first time - I didn’t mean to. I was only trying to bug you. And when you pulled back, you made that face. Your eyes were so big and you rubbed your lips and I-“ Donghyuck took a shaky breath in. “I got curious. I wanted to see what a real kiss was like. So I kissed you. But that’s all it was. 

“But then I couldn’t stop thinking about it. You were my first kiss, you know?” He looked down at the floor. “And I thought about how my first kiss was with my best friend. And I didn’t know if what I was feeling was actual feelings, or it was just some obsession because you were my first. So on your birthday I wanted to see. It was impulsive and stupid, and I thought it wouldn’t mean anything to me, but it meant so much. And suddenly I wanted so much more than to be your best friend, hyung. But I didn’t think it would mean anything to you. 

“And then movie night three weeks ago happened. Seeing Jaemin and Jeno together... I don’t know... it made me feel like maybe I could just go for it with you. But when I looked over at you - I had never seen you make that face before. You looked so... fragile... and I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to be there for you. But I only made things worse.” Donghyuck looked back up at Mark. “I didn’t mean to screw things up between us. But I like you. I like you so much, hyung. So much that I can’t think.”

Mark felt like the room was spinning. He placed a hand by his side to steady himself. He felt drunk, like everything was tilted, and he couldn’t get a handle on it. 

“Please just say something, hyung,” Donghyuck’s voice rang in Mark’s ears. He stood at the edge of the bed. “Whether you have feelings for me or not, just say something. It took a lot out of me to say all that.”

Mark was running on autopilot. His brain was malfunctioning, but his heart felt like it was pounding. “I’m not good with words,” he stumbled out. 

Donghyuck laughed nervously. “I know, hyung.”

Mark wasn’t good with words, Mark thought, but maybe he could be good at something else. He looked up at Donghyuck to see him staring right back. Then he took a leap of faith. 

The first time Mark kissed Donghyuck it felt like coming home. His lips were a song Mark didn’t know he needed to hear, the warmth of the sun on your skin in the spring. 

Donghyuck reached a hand to Mark’s cheek and Mark felt like Icarus flying too close to the sun. But in the end Icarus was just trying to get to his love, and if kissing Donghyuck made him feel that way then so be it. 

Donghyuck pulled back and rested his forehead on Mark’s. “Hyung,” he said, breathless. “What does this mean?” 

Mark smiled. “I’m not good with words,” he repeated. “But I want to be good at them for you.” He pulled Donghyuck into his arms. “I like you so much it scares me. But I want to be brave like you.”

In Donghyuck’s arms Mark let himself let go. He wasn’t good with words, but damn it all to hell he wanted to be good at this. He felt himself crying into Donghyuck’s shoulder, and Donghyuck pulled him closer pressing a kiss into the side of his neck. 

This was home. Where words didn’t have to be spoken; where the silence wasn’t deafening. When Mark kissed Donghyuck.


End file.
